A disorganised mess, like my life!

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
mentallyillmaul
prokopetz

Tears of the Kingdom is the first time the Zelda series has produced a direct, it's-the-same-Link-we-swear-you-guys sequel since 2007's Phantom Hourglass, so this is probably many contemporary fans' first turn on this particular merry-go-round.

Allow me to assure you: there is no great mystery, and there is no master plan. Every worldbuilding inconsistency and every bit of timeline weirdness between Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom is purely a product of the fact that the Zelda franchise's writers have the creative impulse control of a pack of squirrels, and don't give a single solitary fuck about continuity.

When you accept that this is true, and you see how cavalierly they're willing to treat continuity even between two games which are ostensibly direct sequels starring the same cast of characters and set just a few years apart, you may begin to understand why the timeline of the series as a whole looks the way that it does.

gowak
gowak:
“chequerootlurks:
“0jamajos:
“castielific:
“wolfinthethorns:
“Honestly, in my work as a therapist, I’m seeing this A Lot, and tbh I still don’t have a satisfactory approach to it. A heavy dose of Existentialist “create your own Purpose”...
wolfinthethorns

Honestly, in my work as a therapist, I’m seeing this A Lot, and tbh I still don’t have a satisfactory approach to it. A heavy dose of Existentialist “create your own Purpose” tempered with “when the plane’s going down, put your own oxygen mask on first”, but… yeah, there is no ethical way to work on individual emotional distress without acknowledging the systemic socioeconomic, geopolitical fuckery going on at the moment, and the sheer grief that comes with it.

castielific

I’m a guidance counselor/psychologist for teenagers and it’s getting really hard to motivate young people to work for a future they don’t believe in. 

 They look at ther future and see global warming, wwIII, unemployement, political unstability, poison in everything  they eat, the earth and animals dying all around them. 

I saw this video where someone was asking french teens in the 50s how they imagine the future would be. The war hadn’t been over for long and yet it was all positive with like peace and flying cars and such. Then they went and ask the same questions to nowadays teens and hell that was depressing. Some still had hope, but it was just that “well I hope I’ll have a nice house and maybe some kid” but there was such a hesitancy to it, like they didn’t dare to hope too much. 

People mock Greta Thunberg but what they don’t get is that when she said “you stole my dreams”, it was the truth. 

Young people don’t get to dream like they used to. They don’t dream anymore, they grief all that won’t be anymore and that’s just so fucking sad. 

0jamajos

The fact that both the tweet and these reblogs are pre-pandemic makes this post even worse

chequerootlurks

!!!

*goes back and rereads the timestamp*

Well, daammmmn :(

gowak

Which means these were also pre Ukrain Invasion. This was before increased international tensions and ballooning inflation.

thebravepoliteanddoublejointed
cypopps

Autistic people are like, “yeah I love following rules” and then proceed to rip apart the gender binary

theothin

I love following good rules. bad rules keep me from following better ones so I put them through a meat grinder and see what happens

grammarmancer

The official rules suck, I have written my own.

alexseanchai

the rules have to be consistent or they’re not the real rules

there are very few things less consistent than the gender binary

theconcealedweapon

That’s not a contradiction at all. “I love following rules” means “I love having clear instructions instead of them being implied”. It doesn’t mean “I love obeying authority” or “I love conforming”.

almostdefinitelydying

And it also means “I love rules that are clear and people actually all follow, instead of rules they just lie about following in order to punish -you- for not doing the same correctly with no knowledge of why there even IS lying about it”

hasufin

I love having followable rules. I hate having unwritten rules that everyone is expected to follow. I absolutely abhor rules which have a commonly expected interpretation which you are expected to simply know, and when you bring up what the rules actually say people act like you are being deliberately contrarian rather than considering what you said.

thebravepoliteanddoublejointed
asteroidtroglodyte

What the heck, I’ll give it a shot.

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How bad could it be?

asteroidtroglodyte

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asteroidtroglodyte

Guys I’m not ok

ecrivainsolitaire

Do tell

asteroidtroglodyte

Oh jeez where to begin

Ok, First of all, Dorothy Gale is played by a young Fairuza Balk.

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These pictures do not do justice to the raw Traumatized Child energy she brings to this role.

A bit of plot: Dorothy Gale won’t sleep. She’s always talking about Emerald Cities and Talking Scarecrows and Ruby Slippers. At her wit’s end, Aunt Em decides to commit her to the sanitarium for electroshock therapy.

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Disney made this.

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It is strongly implied that her journey back to Oz is a hallucination caused by the electroshock treatment. Herr Doktor flips the switch, lightning flashes, and the supernatural part of the movie begins.

asteroidtroglodyte

Ok. So. Dorothy gets to Oz by almost drowning in a flash flood. She rides to safety in a produce crate with one of her family chickens.

This is where one of the core Uncanny elements of the film first appears; this movie does not share continuity with the 1939 Judy Garland film.

It is a much more faithful adaptation of L.F. Baum’s Books, but despite being a sequel both objectively and canonically, it really just pretends the ‘39 film doesn’t exist.

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They land in a desert that turns people to stone called the Deadly Desert. They get food from a Lunch Pail Tree. The chicken can talk. The Scarecrow is King of Oz, allegedly.

But, like,

Here’s her house from the first movie.

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The one that landed on a witch? Right smack dab in the middle of a whole dang Munchkin Village?

There was literally a whole song and dance!

Where did the Munchkins go, you might ask?

Well, while Dorothy was away,

There was an Apocalypse.

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OZ HAS FALLEN

And this is where we meet the nightmarish Eldritch spawn of Roller Disco and David Bowie:

The Wheelers

asteroidtroglodyte

Alright. The fucking Wheelers.

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I don’t-

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What is-

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What these pictures don’t convey is that, as they move, they make the exact same sound the gurneys in the sanitariums make. The Wheelers are played by the same actors who play the orderlies. Oz is the sanitarium.

asteroidtroglodyte

Now, let’s discuss Jack Skellington Pumpkinhead

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This is one of the Good Guys

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He’s just a guy. Like, really, very much, Just A Guy of a character. His entire personality, such as it is, is comprised of

  • His quest to find his Mom (we’ll get back to that) and
  • Commenting on his lifelessness. For example, when faced with death, he comments calmly that he won’t miss eating or sleeping, since he does neither.

His mom ends up being this girl:

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We’ll get to her.

asteroidtroglodyte

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I had this fever-dream memory of the Army of Oz in the Hall of Ornaments from when I was a kid as well and I gotta say it’s kinda nice to finally put that memory in some kind of context. A horrible, terrible, awful context, but a context nonetheless.

asteroidtroglodyte

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One and the same, friend.

asteroidtroglodyte

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I LIVE TO PLEASE

Ahem. Sorry. Anyway.

So. I mentioned an Apocalypse.

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Behold! The citizenry of Oz!

They have been turned to stone by the evil Nome King! Why, you ask?

For stealing his Emeralds, of course!

But I’m getting ahead of myself. I forgot to introduce The Army of Oz, affectionately referred to as Tik-Tok!

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This guy

That’s… apparently the whole army?

He’s spring-wound. Has 3 winding keys: one for moving, one for talking, and one for thinking. At one point his thinking gears wind down while his action and talking gears are still tight and he creates a lot of trouble. He has a… spin attack…

I really don’t know what to make of him to be honest.

asteroidtroglodyte

Ok so like fully half of what makes The Wheelers so unsettling is the audio so I found a clip:

Hospital gurney noises and echoing, mocking laughter. The way it’s cut doesn’t help. Nor does the… craft store kitsch of the Wheeler outfits. I genuinely have no idea what they were going for. David Bowie vibes, a little bit, but not in a good way.

scots-dragon

Oh this film. This isn’t even the end of it.

korrasera

This is one of the few films that tried for, and managed to succeed for the most part, at capturing the same sort of dark magic of films like Labyrinth, the Dark Crystal, or the Secret of NIMH. That time when some creators were willing to tell stories to children that reflected the darkness that we already saw in the world.

It’s got some problems, but Return to Oz is honestly great. I also never felt like it was patronizing me when I watched it as child, which seemed like an awfully hard ask for most movies.

actualhumancryptid

Yeah this is absolutely of its era, when it comes to terrifying 80’s children’s films.

I used get dad to rent this film for us when I was 8 or so. Mostly because I knew it was the only film my tough little sister was visibly scared of. Children are brutal.

This breakdown doesn’t even touch on Mombi, who scared the living daylights out of me. She is played by the same actress who plays the nurse at the sanatorium. And she is the reason the citizens of Oz up there are missing their heads. She keeps the still living heads locked in glass cabinets in her palace and swaps them out for her own head depending on her mood.

There is a later scene where all the heads are screaming as Dorothy makes a run for it. Mombi’s original head bellowing ‘Dorothy Gale!’ It is genuinely disturbing. I love this film so much.

all-things-fandomstuck

I’ve never heard of this movie before, and all I can think now is

WHAT THE FUCK

dimondlite

It has been such a long time snice I saw this. I remember reading the books and being terrified of it. Because this is part of more than one book.

aniseandspearmint

I love this movie! WAY better than the first OZ movie, I wanted a Lunch Pail tree SO BAD as a kid.

Karliene wrote a great song about it too!

vrumblr

Scissor Sisters also used it as inspo!

I love this movie so much. It’s weird as hell, but also really charming. Plus the visuals can’t be beat.

squeeful

oh i loved this movie as a kid!